Sunday, March 13, 2005

From the Touchline...Unbiased Match Report...



A resolute (read boring) Newcastle shut up shop early - do they have shops up t'north? - and remained under seige for the rest of the match...
Plucky...skillfull and industious Spurs...bravely battled against "wor" Alan's diving...Bowyers strange belief he was playing basketball - given the number of times he handled in the box - and a referee that was so obviously in love with Mr Shearer it was sickening to even the softest southerner...

Main talking points of the match were the ridiculous "joke white beard" sported by "wor " Alan...surely in a bid to dazzle the Spurs defence...the FA really needs to look into that particular piece of gamesmanship...Ledley King...for ever more will be known by Spurs fans as Ledley Queen given the mincing tackle he made on Mr S that led to the first goal...Robbie Keane's bid to become the soccer player with the gayest haircut... Tottenham's Brown has obviously been watching too many wrestling shows as he spent more time trying to grapple anyone in sight than playing football...

And of course the superb GOAL Spurs scored in injury time... that should have seen the Newcastle squad jumping aboard their horse drawn cart for their first trip to the bright lights of the capital...sadly Gardner breathed on the fragile Toon defence..."wor" Alan made gooey eyes at the referee and Robbie's GOAL was incredibly dissallowed...

Man of the Match...a really quite horrendous Geordie spotted in the crowd wearing a complete Burberry outfit...daahling that is soo last year to us soft southerners...

Quote from Souness at full time: "Spurs were the better team..."

Final Score - Ref's XI 1 : Spurs 0

This is Flip from the touchline handing back to the studio...


Seriously well played lads....or something...hehe...

18 comments:

Sherry said...

Unbiased, my ass :P

But then, everybody can't win.

ILuvNUFC said...

Sounds like a bad loser to me. ;)

To be fair(as they say) Spurs did play well but not well enough.

How nice that we (Newcastle) are being described as resolute these days. It's getting like Highbury around here. Altogether now..."1-0 to the newcastle"

Charvers are still very much alive and well here in Newcastle. Despite the shame of it there is still loads of Burberry caps getting worn around here.

Flip said...

Sherry my sweet sweet angel..there'snothing I would like more than "un-biasing" your ass :P

Come to that I'm not at all biased over you ass...from your full length photo I'd say it was perfect :)

iluvnufc...I was brought up on a diet of sarcasm...hehe...

I seriously thought spurs could have pinched it...but Given was as outstanding as ever...let's hope you go all the way now....

OMIH said...

Bloody marvellous - see I knew that all it took was for me to leave the country for a decent length of time and all of a sudden Newcastle would turn into world beaters.

Good run aside let's not kid ourselves that Souness is a decent manager but even with him in charge (and me out of the way) the Toon will probably do the double - or summat.

I can't believe what a jinx I am.

ILuvNUFC said...

OMIH - I hope you are not coming back for a while then if you are a jinx, at least until after the 2 finals. ;)

mmChronic said...

Typical southern media. No mention of our perfectly valid goal that was ruled out in the first half for offside. Pah! ;)

Usual Newcastle performance - keep you cacking yourself all the way through the game.

If we win either of these cups there will be an airport watch for OMIH - shot on sight if he tries to reenter the country with his jinx in his suitcase.

bungers said...

bwahaha!

I expect a post at 1.30pm today for the draw then. Fingers crossed Man U'shite'ed get the Ar$e and then, maybe, just maybe... ;)

ILuvNUFC said...

I'm not bothered who we get really as it's now obvious that we will have to beat either the Manyoo Mingers or the Arse if we are going to win the cup anyway.

Dogs said...

I say well done Souness. How about we get behind our manager for once instead of continually slagging him off. He's got Dyer playing well again. He's motivated Robert (on occasion). He's got bowyer almost back to his best. And then there's our new look defence that actually defends...

mmChronic said...

Sounds like Dogs is preparing a case of 'I told you so' for when we win the cup. ;)

Souness is still too shite for the toon. I may accept he's good enough if we win something. However I don't need told to get behind our manager by anyone thank you. No one has caught me booing Souness or the team at the ground - which is where it matters. Been up there recently Dogs? You should try your own advice and buy a ticket.

Yeah Bowyer is back to his best - constantly picking up needless yellows for stupid tackles. Yay - we have the best nugget thug in the league.

ILuvNUFC said...

Fraid to say that I've always backed Souness. As iI said previously he would'nt have been my first choice but he's here so we best get on with it.

As for Robert. The odd brilliant free kick is not enough. He could hardly be called motivated, once again his corners were dreadful yesterday and they have been that way for some time now. Waste of time and space in my opinion.

I think the most improved player under Souness is Dyer but I still want the little shit out of here at the end of the season after he refused to play in a certain position earlier this season but it looks like Souness will keep him. :(

mmChronic said...

Robert is still far too lazy. If he was scoring say 1:2 with free kicks that might be acceptable but he's not. The number of good chances he wastes with a shit shot is way too high too. The fscker should learn how to pass.

Like I said before I'm no huge fan of Souness (and didn't want him here) - but I got on with it pretty much after he came. All the idiots that were calling for his sacking a few months in want lobotomised. We would have had an even more limited choice trying to replace him and would probably have ended up with Peytar Reid or some other management non entity.

Dogs said...

When I mentioned slagging off Souness I wasn't thinking of you mC - I recall your verdict was out until the end of the season.
And I'm not saying that Souness is the next Wenger or Ferguson and I won't be giving it "told you so" if we win something (nah fsck it. I'll milk if for all its worth ;) as I never predicted huge success with Souness - I just think success is a possibility. What I expect is for him to put a few things right with discipline - "Souness is just a bully" what a load of wet toss. I love that he's kicked Bellamy's arse out the club in a Dwight Yorke stylee. And it's made clear to the likes of Dyer, Robert, Bramble etc that being a "superstar" counts for nothing. So that's discipline but on top of that he's actually got our defence working well. Fsck me! Newcastle? Defence???
And to all those who have slagged off Souness from the start, despite his achievements, they should takek your point about non entity alternatives. I mean, if Souness isn't good enough even though he's had his fair share of success in the past, then what you're saying is that you really want a manager who has never failed at anything and can win us the title, the fa cup and the champions league. Yeah right. I can see Mourinho signing next season.


I just prefer to stick with reality. A club like Newcastle (dusty trophy cabinet) needs an experienced no nonsense manager like Souness who with a bit luck might actually win something.

p.s. I love Bowyer. ;) I don't care if he gets booked. Roy Keane, Patrick Viera anyone?

Agree with you on Robert. Still nowhere near good enough - I just think he's playing slightly less shite than usual and I think that's due to Souness "having a word" with him. Glad to see Dyer playing well again even if he is a plank.

mmChronic said...

There was talk that both Scolari and Hitzfeld were interested in managing the toon yet Fat Fred wanted an English manager - so we got a scotch one!

At least Keane and Viera manage to combine some skill with their thuggery. Compare their goal tally with our pet nugget.

Souness IS doing well on the discipline - the reborn Dyer (still a snaky bastard for what he did to Bobby), teh told to fsck off Bellamy and the slightly improved Robert all point to that.

I'm starting to come round to your way of thinking on Shola though - how the fsck de his miss that goal when he was through on the keeper? He still has plenty of lovely touches, gets into good positions etc - but it looks like he can't shoot for toffee.

Dogs said...

Don't get me started on Shola "toblerone heed" Ameobi

OMIH said...

Just a few things - there's a chance, a vague chance, that we had gone so far down the route of pampering our "young guns" that we needed someone like Souness to balance things up.

And for all the troublesome players that you have named - the problem is, if you fall out with them all, where is the flare going to come from. During his time at Blackburn, Souness eventually morphed his team into one of the dullest, uninspiring teams simply because he anyone with any talent eventually left - Dunn, Duff etc and they did so because they hated Souness. Wenger manages people, he inspires them, Souness just falls out with them. I am not sure in the long term if there is room for managers like that in the modern game.

Souness's record doesn't inspire confidence - however, he has had some luck in the cup.

Long term I don't think he is what we are looking for. Short term, who knows? Maybe he can kick us up the arse long enough for us to sneak some silverware - and if he does I will be eternally grateful. I'd swap him tomorrow for Otto Hitzfeld though. Or even Dowie or Moyes for that matter.

And as for Shola - I love the kid - I really do. He'll turn the corner sooner - he must do, I have been saying that for three years now.

mmChronic said...

If troublesome is defined as 'refuse to play in a particular position' I condone fully what Souness has done - I don't care how much flair a player has if he refuses to play for the toon he deserve what he gets.

The trouble is that it may go too far like at Blackburn as you suggest. We can only hope it doesn't. Souness is here now and will be until at least the end of the season. I'll reserve judgement until after summer - see who leaves and comes in.

Long term we definitely want a better manager but if Souness wins one of the two cups we are still in he has the job for a good few years yet. Can you see a successful manager at the toon being shown the door?

I've been sticking up for Shola for ages - but after a few years of promise you start to get disappointed when he doesn't live up to it. Next please. The clock is ticking in the race to find God's replacement - and it isn't Shola.

Dogs said...

OMIH: Souness got Blackburn promoted swiftly followed by winning the league cup and a spell in Europe after finishing 5th in the league. Swiftly folowed by a load of Blackburn whingers when they lost Duff and there were obvious problems with discipline leading to a run of poor results. Problems which, without knowing the full facts, I'd tend to believe were due to a clique of overated prima donna players not liking to be told who's the boss. BTW I don't put Duff in the fallout category - he wanted to go to Chelsea for obvious reasons and Souness was always full of praise for him.

Anyway, I'm fed up with oiks on huge salaries letting their mouths go when things aren't rosy. And I'm just as fed up with the moronic fans who sympathise with their idols when they moan instead of expecting them to act like professionals and work for the team. Sadly far too many players have got fragile egos but it's the manager who takes the blame and the fall. And if you think the solution is to sack the manager again then you must be Freddy Shepherd. Personally I do think there's plenty of success to be had with the old style disciplinarian stlye management especially when player power is just starting to take the piss. You can afford the soft Wenger touch when you own the most talented players in Europe and you're winning everything. You can't afford it when your battling mid table and little oik players who think they deserve better are publicly blaming everyone but themselves.