Monday, May 31, 2004

May Icon Compo

It's time to pick the winner of the May icon compo and this time we are going to do it using a more scientific(!?) method than last time which seemed to be whoever posted first in the month won. I've just signed up to BraveNet as they do polls with added image goodness. With any luck you should see the results in the sidebar.

I was going to put the poll directly in the post but Blogger doesn't seem to allow Javascript in main posts anymore. Shizzle.

EDIT: It seems that even though it complains about the Javascript in the post it still allows it. Yay!

This poll is now closed - results here.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Where in the world is Merg? part IV

Even Jonny Dizzle should be able to guess now!

Come Together

Here's a flash anim of the Beatle's "Come Together". You can even put it on karaoke mode by clicking on it. It's fittingly quite surreal with lots of morphing objects, flashing backgrounds and other graphical effects. It's almost like a demo. Maybe that's because it is by Melon Dezign. If you didn't own an Amiga you may not have heard of this crew but they did some lovely little intros.

It seems they even do web design now and their design site has some more nice flash anims including a very good version of "I Feel Fine"

via linkfilter

Google Image Search: megane

OMFG!So you fancy buying one of those Renault Megane's and decide to do a GIS for a picture of one. That'll be the new Hentai edition you're after then? NSFW

via NTK

17 uses for a dead cicada

See here


Clicky here

Floridian: Jesus is your . . . what?

I come seeking... retribution.Show you're faith in the lord with a Jesus is my homeboy T-shirt.

Old, improved feature...

The new comment count code has been rewritten once again. I said I'd fixed it for Mozilla and I had. Sort of. I've been using Firefox more and more and noticed that when there had been a lot of comments to read ones I'd already read would appear unread after I read few more.

It turns out this is due to a limit to the number cookies you can dump on a machine from 1 address. IE suffered the same thing but it seemed to have a much higher number of cookies allowed so it took longer to see the effect of it. I thought this might have been a problem when I first wrote the new comment code so I had a half idea how I was going to do it anyway.

So I've dumped Bill Dortch's cookie library and got hold of Stephen Chapman's cookie library from Felgall. This one has built in array handling so I'm storing all the comment counts in one array which gets stored in 1 cookie. I also now set the cookie when you enter the page the comments are on. Previously it was in the 'onclick' property of the link to the page. This meant it was only set when you clicked the link from the main or archive pages. If you came in through the 'Previous Posts' link or from a search then the cookie wasn't being set. That's sorted now so new comment counts should reflect whatever you have read regardless of how you got there.

The next problem I can see is when the cookie gets too large and you can't write any more info to it. I think it has a 4Kb limit. That's plenty of comment counts though so we shouldn't hit that too fast. I know how I am going to do it but I'll worry about that if/when we hit the limit.

Right I know most of you fell asleep 3 paragraphs ago but this bit is important. If the new comment count isn't working delete your cookies for this site - you may have reached your limit and the new fangled one can't be created. It may also be that you are caching an old version of the page without the new code (this happened quite a bit during debugging) so you may want to try the New Links patented Anti Green Screen Key™

Saturday, May 29, 2004

10000 Games

We have been getting loads of hits for this page through people searching Google for the aforementioned 10000 games. After I'd posted this link ILuvNufc pointed out it was a massively expensive paysite where they wanted you dialup a UK premium phone number at a cost of £1.50 per minute. Ignoring the fact that most of us here aren't using modems and a lot of our visitors are from overseas anyway, it's a bit on the expensive side when there are so many free flash games to be found on the net. Where? Here are a few free game sites we've featured:We've featured many more than this - have a look through the archives listed in the right panel.

And to finish off with one last blast at 10000Games. I've just been for a look at their site to ensure I got the pricing right (sorry if that's being anal dogs!) and the latest game added at the time of writing was one called Skater Boy. I happened to notice the character in the thumbnail looked like one of the characters in Ed, Edd and Eddie which is a cartoon my daughter watches on Cartoon Network. So I went to their site and funnily enough they have a skateboard game called "To the Ed-streme" featuring the same graphics. So we have a choice of
  1. Cartoon Network have licenced their game for use to 10000Games knowing it is an incredibly expensive service which is probably out of the financial reach of Cartoon Network's target demographic. Not only that they have even allowed them to change the name of the game.
  2. 10000Games have ripped off Cartoon Network.
You decide. In case you need any help with the decision the two pictures are partial screenshots of the websites - click on them for bigger shots.

Cartoon Network's version

10000Games' version

Guide to Springfield USA

Although the location of Springfield is still a mystery, an accurate map of the town itself exists. The Guide to Springfield USA has a very detailed map of all the locations you could think of. They've done this by mapping the relative locations of buildings etc as seen during episodes of The Simpsons and have ended up with a map in 9 large sections. I'm still trying to find the Simpsons' house.

Osama Bin Lotto

...or "Saturdays are shite with no football #1"

This site is a bit like the October Surprise site we featured a while back. The premise of that one is that Bush will pull some surprise move in October which will jack up his popularity allowing himself to swindle the election for a second time. The reader is invited to predict what the event will be.

The Osama Bin Lotto site has decided the event is the capture of Bin Laden. The unknown factor which the reader has to decide on is when will the capture be announced. Note that is the date of the announcement and not the capture itself.

via Hal's Stoopid Links

Foreign Fingers

We've had international swearing before featuring a Welsh swear page and a truly global swearpage. We've even had the mother-of-all swearword collections. But we haven't had a guide to international obscene hand gestures. That's that sorted then.

The page features the English V sign including a lovely picture of the Thatchbitch telling her adoring masses to piss off. It's a bit fuzzy on the history of the sign though. I always thought it was first used after the battle of Agincourt. This was supposedly due to the practice of the French cutting off the draw fingers of any English longbowmen they captured which then made it a little difficult to use a longbow. The English archers "gave the Vs" en-masse to the advancing French just to let them know they were ready for action.

Remember kids - swearing is big and it is clever. It's part of your history. Yay!

via The Flophouse

Toon site

We are mental, we are madHere's a toon fan site - Serwis Newcastle United from Poland. It's full of transfer gossip like this interesting(?) snippet:
?rodkowy obro?ca Bordeaux Marco Caneira znalaz? si? w orbicie zainteresowa? dzia?aczy Newcastle.
Woo? Yay? Probably? New Links will of course provide translation on request via the multilingual ILuvNufc who has picked up a smattering of Polish during his exhaustive trawls of Eastern European sites whilst looking for Blink 182 bootlegs.

Of more interest to the non Polish speakers here may be the goal videos and image gallery.

Minor quibble here. They also have a Legends page, or Legendy as we cosmopolitan European Unionists might say, which has some real toon legends. And Barry Venison. Now don't get me wrong I liked Bad Back Bazzer a lot but he's not really a legend is he? Or did I miss something? He's just not in the same League as God, Wor Jackie, KK, Pedro, Shack, Wyn the Leap, Gazza, Sausage Packer and quite a few more. Maybe he got extra points for his lovely hair and waistcoats? ;)

BitTorrent To Release Michael Moore's New Film Free of Charge - PARP!

Bariatric 'journalist'/comedian Mikey Moore'slatest wildlife film about simians in the desertis to be distributed via filthy pirate software...Denounce Newswire are reporting that Mikey is going to ensure his latest film, Fahrenheit 911, gets to the widest possible audience by releasing it via the BitTorrent network.
"This film deserves the widest possible distribution," said Moore, whose film won the Palme D'Or award at the Cannes Film Festival this past weekend. "I had hoped I could achieve that with Miramax and Disney, but such was not to be the case. I'm thrilled to announce that I have an even better solution. BitTorrent!"
Except he didn't. The actual piece referenced is a spoof, as is every article they post as they are a satire site, but so many people have been linking and reporting it as real they have had to put a big, red disclaimer at the top of this one.

Friday, May 28, 2004

So how come we have computators ?

I was a great scientist...but I was MI5 killed me. Fsckers!...or even sewper-dewper-compewters if you are from sundlind. Because Alan Turing published 'On Computational Numbers' on this day in 1936. This paper described, amongst other things, the Turing Machine which is a way of defining an algorithm or procedure and this is still widely used in computing.

A geek site is a geek site with plenty of waffle - just like dear old NewLinks.

The end is nigh...

for poor quality movie tie-in games as Warner announce they will penalise publishers whose games average review scores of 70% or less. But why can't we penalise Warner for cr4p films?

Google announces GMail

And apparently the Californian Senate (is that Arnie?) is about to limit its powers. This is why.

Welcome to Planet Pixar

Interesting article on Pixar and how they have managed to out-Disney Disney. Along the way they've produced 5 excellent films, won 17 Oscars and have 42 patents including one for Z Buffering which I didn't know they had invented.

Pixar has come a long way from those Luxo anims I watched on the Amiga all those years ago.

link via Merg (emailed)

Bungers' Hottie of the Day!

<FAP><FAP> erm... <FLAP><FLAP>Anyone see the Metro paper yesterday? If not, then you missed a great 5318008 opportunity to check out Katherine Jenkins who is, apparantly, an opera singer (bit of a crap picture on the link, but you'll get the idea)! Don't know anything about that but she's got a nice set of lungs on her, and she looks a bit like Carmen Electra! Bloody h3ll! ;)

I'm off to practice "La Triviata" or something..

The Arab Mind...

is "probably the single most popular and widely read book on the Arabs in the US military". This article thinks "It's best use is as a doorstop". This book is full of sweeping generalisations and so, to use one myself, I think it explains a lot about the behaviour of US soldiers.

Friday Quiz

We'll have none of your low brow, multiple choice, Excel based quizzes here. Solve the quizzes linked to on this site and you could be rich, unravel the secrets of ancient civilisations or even catch a serial killer.

The quizzes are actually unsolved ciphers which are listed at Elonka's List of Famous Unsolved Codes and Ciphers.

via Presurfer.

Ooooh not shiny

Bite my shiny, metal ass!Or at least that's the claim of the automatic ironing robot. No singes or shiny patches apparently.

Rebel cleric faces prison for life

What I want to know is how this self proclaimed holy man can live in this country for years whilst unashamedly preaching western hatred but British "intelligence" have failed to bring charges against him. And then the yanks suddenly extradite him on 11 terrorism charges. Apparently the new US-UK extradition treaty removes safeguards whereby the US had to provide evidence against suspects. Hmmm...not sure I'm happy with that.


The "men with breasts" post has moved - please click on the link to view it.

Geek Diy

Build stuff with the help Geek DIY. It has links to instructions for building all sorts of cool things including an Enigma machine,CD changer or a pirate radio station. It even has something for the bariatric - a geek gym.

Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater

Fancy running you're own Blog but can't be bothered?
Try this.

Bariatric Watch #56788448

I *AM* breathing in you cheeky fscker!

Overweight Woman Claims Cabbie Denied Her Service
He was probably doing her a favour as she could do with walking some of it off her, although he did'nt have to say "I can't ride you. You too big for my cab. You'll pop the doors off of my cab"

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Promised a Toyota...

Old but funny story of some twonk trying to sue on the grounds of her own stupidity.

Bariatric Benefits!

I *AM* breathing in you cheeky fscker!In the interests of fair reporting, it seems that I have discovered a positive benefit associated with the condition!

650kg humans are bulletproof!!

I'm off to test the theory. Here, fatty fatty!

Vaseline man mugshot

Bungers' Great Build a Cyborg project part 263782

Here comes the science bit...No need for ID cards! Clubbers in Spain are getting chips implanted under their skin so that they don't have to carry their VIP cards. So far only 9 people have signed up, but this is because you can't sign people up when they're under any sort of influence. It's a bit late, but it's relevent to that other thread. ;)

And they've got some jive on there now about the hideous face transplant stuff. Eurgh!

Duct Tape Wall Tapings

This site comes with a warning not to try this at home.

Is this the Pie in question?

Apparently this pie is the pie that everyone should fear. A duck tongue, maggot, fish sauce and pig stomach pie. Lots of gross links on this page.

Dogs is moonlighting!

Exceedingly Excremental, Staggeringly Stoolish, Positively Pooey etc etc
Artist Ebon Lupus's artistic speciallity is painting pictures of dogs d3f3c@t1ng, ur1n@+1ng, l1ck1ng their @nus or br33d1ng.

Justin Carriage Works - Romany Vardo - Gypsy Wagon - Private Treaty

Do you admire the free, uncomplicated lifestyle gypsies have, wandering from place to place in their wagons without a care? Well now YOU can act out your fantasy by having your VERY OWN gypsy wagon made for you! Just think of it: travelling care-free, camping out, laying under the full moon and stars at night by the fire... the nomad life can be YOURS with a gypsy wagon.
Justin Carriage Works - Romany Vardo - Gypsy Wagon - Private Treaty

Child Abuse?

I *AM* breathing in you cheeky fscker!COME TO ME PORKERS OF THE WORLDApparently not putting sunblock on a 12 year old boy is child abuse and may lead to an 18 month jail sentence for his dad.

So presumably people who are allowing this should receive the life sentences for being an accessory to murder.

If Your Husband Has a Porsche, Follow Him

We're all going to die and they're never going to give me my licence!A Hamburg-based opinion poll suggests thatIf Your HusbandLifePartner Has a Porsche, Follow Him!
Porsche drivers were the least faithful, with 49 percent admitting infidelity, followed by BMW drivers at 46 percent.
So if I was on a date with a BMW driver then I'd be inclined to watch them.

Ah... but they also get the most sex. If anyone wants me, I'll be the one looking good in the 3-series...

I thought I'd "gay it all up a bit" with that LifePartner stuff... seeing as we've gone a bit gay in here today! ;)

Now that's what I call protesting

<FAP><FAP> erm... <FLAP><FLAP>ook!The Axis of Eve has been set up to expose and depose the lying chimpmeister. Basically it's a coalition of laydees who have designed some anti-Bush underwear and are flogging it. Oh and a gallery of people who've bought them and submitted pictures of themselves erm... 'protesting'.

Bungers will be taking names for an Axis of Eve themed protest march through Newcastle like this one in Washington DC.

How gay are you?

Gotta rim them all...Fruit. YOU try and think of a pithy caption for fruit!Questionable sexuality this morning? Sky One have a "How Gay are you?" test. I appear to be either slightly over gay, or slightly under gay depending on one question I think. (It's the one about the leather trousers... I'm sure I'd look good in them!)

Take the test now!

I'm off to wrestle a bison with my (EDIT) bare hands or something... And then build a fire. And make some spears.

Thanks to Chucky for that one... ;)

Bariatric watch: how food firms target children

I *AM* breathing in you cheeky fscker!Iraq is old news. Everyone is far more concerned about their bariatric tendencies. After all our kids can't go to war if they are all too fat or dead and therefore our MPs are demanding annual fat tests for our kids. Why a test? Are the parents so oblivious that they can't actually see that their kids are fat? Test result: Your kid is fat. Parent: Oh!!! That explains why the crisps keep disappearing.

Here's an article which explains how the Kellogg's Winders advertising campaign was aimed at children and was up for an "effectiveness award" at the Institute of Practitioners in Advertising for its ability to fool parents. At the same time it was also the winner of the 2002 Tooth Rot awards. From the same article here's a series of case studies that analyse the food intake of several families/individuals from various backgrounds.

The Tullbergs

The McRaes

The Braithwaites

The Bowers

Sabeena Uttam

Joan Harris

GTA causes bomb scare

There's a bomb...Someone playing GTA whilst on the 'phone to work managed to cause a bomb scare when he shouted at a friend
"There's a bomb in the building. There's a bomb in the building. Everyone needs to get out!"
The 27 year old man is still locked up as he can't raise the $5,003 bail.

via Will's Thrills

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Fear the pie

PH34R TH3 P13
The British Heart Foundation (BHF) have kicked off their annual campaign to raise awareness of heart disease with some brilliant posters. Heart Week 2004 takes place 5th - 13th June so please give up your pies for a week at least. You know it makes sense.

The only one excused from giving up the pies is Sumo who laughs in the face of pie fear.

Bariatric Watch #32456724

Here comes the science bit...Fruit. YOU try and think of a pithy caption for fruit!'Too little done to cut obesity' apparantly. Hey, there's only so much one website can do! I've tried to tell them to stop eating, and they just don't listen the fat fuskers!


2000th psot!

Michael Moore interview

The Guardian/Observer has an interesting interview with Mikey about Fahrenheit 911 and various other things. I have to say he comes across as a bit of an arse.

Knacker Factor

Knacker Factor is a viral marketing site for ProPlus. So why would we be interested? Because it has a sleep quality quiz and when you fill it in you get a graph telling you how tired you are through the day. Which is probably way more scientific than my method of counting how many times I fall asleep in any given hour!

Abba To Zappa

The batteries are strong in this one.Abba To Zappa is a timed music quiz with cartoony graphics. As an added bonus has quotes like 'I pity the fool' when you get one wrong.

Of course the real reason you should be visiting this site is to win an iPod. Yay!

via the Flophouse

Where in the world is Merg..? part III

He's painting the town red. and pink. and black.

At least he's not "Paintin' the Town Brown"..! (Obscure Ween reference for Chopper. ;)


<SILENCE>...</SILENCE>It seems the Welsh have a secret martial art called Llap-Goch which sounds like they should have no problem subduing troublesome sheep or even uppity English men.

"Only a FOUR-SECOND WORK-OUT Each Day! and you will be ready to HARM people"
It also sounds ideal as an excercise for the bariatric amongst us as it guarantees a loss of 40lb in the 1st workout plus you can grow a foot taller which means you have more body to spread your 'flesh' around.

via Presurfer


This is an old one but I looked at it for the first time last night. BlogShares - Fantasy Blog Share Market is like CelebDaq except you trade on Blogs rather than celebrities. There is loads more information available than there is/was with CelebDaq. In fact it's like the Championship Manager of share dealing games as it has everything you could possibly want to know about your share deals etc.

You get B$500 to start off with and, if you claim your blog, you get 1000 of the 5000 shares in that. Each link in/out of a blog has a value with links to/from popular sites worth more than those from sites with 1 reader. I piled my virtual cash into the Bellavista Juventud site we featured yesterday. At the time I invested it only showed our link to it and I knew the link from SpaceHardware would show up soon plus any others that had been made thus increasing it's value. I hope that doesn't count as insider trading! I should probably read the rules... one day. Oh well if I get caught I can always pull a Saunders.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Museum of Spam

Whilst reading Stephen Newton's blog, which we've mentioned here before, I saw a link to a new project of his - The Museum of Spam.

It's a neat idea. Using the email to Blogger feature Stephen is publishing all the spam he receives at the address for that blog. This is then published in all it's nasty HTML glory.
All e-mails to are posted here uncensored. Anyone is free to pass judgement on them... or whatever.
Repeating the email address here can only help boost the crap he gets.

One thought does spring to mind. It could be easily hijacked by unscrupulous bloggers trying to boost their linkbacks. All they'd have to do is email stuff containing their URL, this would then be indexed as a linkback by Technorati, Blogpulse, BlogDex, Google etc etc. I'm off to run a mass mailer. Bwahahaha!

Scary Duck

I'm not a duck either but I can be a bit sinister sometimes...Scary Duck, while apparently neither scary nor a duck, is funny.
Extract from Scaryduck Junior's school report:

"My literacy target for this year: Write stories not featuring penguins or fish."

Feh, I say. Feh. What do they know? Did Jeffrey Archer die in vain?*

*No, but give me a couple of weeks.

Anyone that threatens the wellbeing of that lying toerag has to be worth a read. I only wish I found it sooner - today is Bring Your Otter To Work day. What a missed opportunity. Never mind - it's tigers next Tuesday.

Hilton Watch

You dirty little minxParis Turns Scream Queen!

Which Transformer are you?

I am...
You Are Ratchet!

You are caring and compassionate.

Which Transformer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Happy Birthday Star Wars

Star Wars opened this day in 1977. Which might have been a good thing if it wasn't for the fact that it made George Lucas really rich and made him think he could interfere with the production of a film until he turned it shite. Jar Jar Binks anyone? Ewoks? They were GL's inventions.

Apparently the new one is in danger of being spoilt too. Some people think George Lucas must die - I think that's a bit strong. I would say 'George! No!' and merely give him a slap. Probably.

I would appear to be...

You are Ravage!

You are a powderkeg waiting to blow. Perhaps you should try anger management classes.

Which Transformer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Then I must be...

You are strong and tough and proud of it.

Which Transformer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Transformer are you?

You are Soundwave!

You are a family oriented person and would make a
good parent.

Which Transformer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

When you say God, does that include...

I come seeking... retribution.Do you think we'd qualify for UK God Blogs...?

Take The Jesus Test and find out!

dinosaur trumps...

Raaarrrr!Is this thing working?Dinosaurs and a pig (needs sound).

More Dinosaur Action™ via Boing Boing and Slashdot, pointing to a ChannelNewsAsia story discussing a 'dinosaur' sighting in webcam pictures of a remote New Zealand volcano.

The latest live webcam picture shows the offending creature, with Geonet spokesperson John Callan saying: "Some wag has glued a [toy] pink dinosaur in front of our digital camera". Parp!

Also via Slashdot, Mozilla 1.8 Alpha Released

Kingdom of Northumbria

And to give our readers a sense of historical perspective try this article on the Kingdom of Northumbria from the North East History site. If you have a read of that you will see the extent of this once mighty kingdom.

We want self determination - fsck this Regional Assembly idea though. Reinstate Northumbria!

The great plan

We'll have no shouting here!
With our plan to reclaim Northumbria well under way some of us who are not from the Newcastle area could use this. It also may be helpful for our US readers. :)

How about a reclaim Northumbria icon?

New Links

Ey oop, that were right smashin that were!I pity the fool.Here comes the science bit...We are mental, we are madNew icons for usage. That's 3 (Dibnah, Mr T & Science) from Bungers and 1 (toon) from Merg. Have I missed any?

I've also changed the search box to use Feedster. This searches the feeds for a site rather than the site itself which has 2 major advantages over Google:
  1. Results always point at post (either the new permalink style or the old) and not just to an archive page.
  2. Our posts seem get into the Feedster search database quicker than they did with Google.

Arrrgggh! Tron Man gets a chick!

Exceedingly Excremental, Staggeringly Stoolish, Positively Pooey etc etcWatch my gay spidey moves...Here's one for Fiddy, to go with his Tron Man from last week!

It's VORTEX - THE DEMON or something!

via DailyLinx