Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Follow up: More stuffed frogs/toads (3rd pic)

Victorian taxidermist Walter Potter made elaborate tableaux of stuffed animals - quite surreal. Also had an obsession with cute (albeit dead) kitties that predated Fark & b3ta by well over a hundred years.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

World's longest trouser snake goes on show

49 foot snake gets caught in Java or some other pacific location. Insert gag.... Sorry, the usual linkage humour has deserted me, but seeing as there's been a lack of linkage and mmchronic's been complaining - I thought I'd better post something!

Monday, December 29, 2003

WAP Site

Bit quiet here isn't it? :)



If anyone got a polyphonic phone for christmas (or like me you bought one for someone else!) they may be interested in this - my 1st WAP site - w00t!



Basically I wanted somewhere I could host midi files so I could download to a WAP phone without using a cable - tagtag.com does that (and has a huge free ringtone and gfx library) for free.



DOH! - actual link is to a WAP emulator showing the page - to get there using your phone you need:
http://tagtag.com/mmchronic/

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Pseudo monkey link

Harold von Braunhut, the "inventor" of the Sea Monkey, has died. Unknown whether medics tried to "just add water" to attempt to bring him back to life.

Ten Ads America Won't See

It probably says a lot that I've seen some of these ads on British TV - as ads, not part of the funny-ads-from-around-the-world type shows (little known fact: there's just 7 different funny ads that are ever on these shows. Just 7. Count 'em.)

The British Toilets Association "Save Our Toilets" Campaign

Yes, really.

The Forbes Fictional Fifteen!

Rich People who don't exist.

But if they did, here's how they'd stack up.

The staff at Forbes obviously hit the Christmas booze a couple of days early this year -- they obviously didn't have a Christmas Monkey to keep them on track...

Especially for Bung! (but everyone else can read it too!)

Christmas Monkey!

I'm just sorry there's only one...

And since it's now Christmas eve - is this true?

Happy Christmas, One And All! (or should that be "all two?")

-- Merg

A christmas gift

Have a look at this page and make sure you click on the play button

Happy Christmas Eve, newlinkers! (Yes, both of you!)

Look at what we got from work as our Christmas bonus. What a Bonus!

And yes, the seller would actually appear to work for us... how ungrateful!

(But if he gets 15 quid for it, my nana won't be getting it for Christmas after all..... )

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Stiff competition

New Links seems to be holding up well against the competition

A Christmas Gift From Rockstar

Yes, MORE ROCKSTAR!

This time it's free games.

To add to their free release of the original above-view GTA game, they're offering 1999's Critically-acclaimed "Wild Metal".

Okay, so it's not brand new, but hey, it's free!

Aliens or Hub-Cap?

You Decide.

Good Chris Hunting?

A very rare export indeed.

Son Et Lumière

Supply your preferred "Son" and check out these ugly Lumière Noël.

Fat Rat Demand Increases

US Researchers are demanding specially bred rats so fat they can't be picked up by their tails -- lest they snap off.

Instant Stem Cells!

Just add water!

Hitman Contracts Christmas

Your Festive Elf Massacre is here.

But back to Christmas...

Satisfying all your seasonal musical needs this Christmas medley has the added bonus of cute furry things - and a monkey for Bung!

You're crap and you know you are

What is the world coming to when you can no longer shout abuse at your kid for being crap at football.

With one eye on the new year...

here is a calendar for you - featuring 'members'.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Quality Quotes

For your education, amusement and amazement - read on.

iPod's Dirty Secret

Apple not so warm and fuzzy?

Frog Threesome

Words cannot express ... this.

The Naked Ape

Just why did humans lose their body-hair?

FlakerMaker!

It's the Snowflake Construction Kit - Make-a-Flake.

N'SYNC - Priceless?

Something Mastercard can't buy.

Ontario To Ban Dwarf Tossing

See the full text of the Dwarf Tossing Ban Act 2003 for full details.

Super Mario 3 in 11 Minutes Video

17meg Video of someone finishing Super Mario 3 in 11 minutes here

In Need Of A New Boat?

Well, more of a ship really. Ideal for summer cruises and invading small countries. Comes with all you see here. Aircraft not included.

Ahhhh, the joys of Christmas...

Was discussing this one in the pub on Saturday night, so here, just for Addy... It's Jetpac in a web browser.

I also had a link for regular readers that was someone completing Super Mario 3 in 11 minutes, but the page is in Japanese and I can't translate the right link. If you're interested it's somewhere here

All this morning's links have been blogged from this month's Edge magazine, which is in the shops now kids! It makes a great Christmas gift, and is available from all good newsagents now...

Parent Action Kit

And to bring balance to the force and even it all out - here's a G.A.Y. American site about how games like Manhunt shouldn't be sold to kids.

You'd think the fact that it had "Adults Only" all over it, and "Not for Kids" stickers might be there to provide a hint. God bless America!

And here's the link

Monkeys!

A tribute to Johnny Cash - by a chimp! Yay for C&W monkeys!

More Rockstar Links...

We should have a tag for Rockstar related links... Spoof site for Manhunt

What not to have for Christmas dinner

This site has a collection of recipe books compiled by food producers like Heinz. The theory seem to be



  random recipe + our product = lush food



Judging by some of the pics they need to rework that formula.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Anecdotes About The Clueless With Computers.

Stupid is at stupid does.

Awful Plastic Surgery

Regular readers - both of you - may have have noticed this [NSFW] truely awful boob-job, if you read the Fantasy Festival 2003 post earlier in the week.

Well, now you can view yet more bad boob jobs, together with dodgy face-lifts and collagen lip implants that look make the recipient look like a demented trout.

Just the picture archive you've always wanted, I'm quite sure!

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

Well, not my girlfriend. Mine's sane. Unlike this guy's ...

This does help explain why two world wars were fought though...

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Postman Sues Over "Too Many Letters"

From the "You Couldn't Make It Up" Dept., a postman is sueing a member of the public for posting too many letters.

Embarrasing Moments

Now you too can post your most embarrassing moments on the internet, so that instead of just a few people finding out, the whole world can know!

Of course, if you enjoy other people's misfortunes, you can read about them too -- but none of our high-minded readers would ever do that, right?

Bored?

Need more action? Pornolize this page by clicking here!

Virtual Snow Globe

Feeling all shook up?

Perhaps you're living in a simulation, as discussed yesterday?
And perhaps this is that simulation...

Last Minute Gift Line Worn Out Three Posts Ago

But this just had to be mentioned.

An actual bull scrotum for use as a storage container. Presumably the former owner no longer has a use...

Why?

Imaginary girlfriends you have to pay for -- surely that negates their sole advantage?

There are some VERY strange people out there...

Anti-Bullet Charm Fails

Magic - of the traditional Nigerian kind - was recently proven to be no match for modern fire-arms.

More Last Minute Gift Ideas

Try the Wonderful World of Whacky for the kind of tat that makes Christmas complete!

Pills That Prevent Hearing Loss

New pills under test by the US Marine Corps that are supposed to help prevent hearing loss due to "too many loud noises".

I could have done with some of these about the same time I got my first walkman...

Monowheels

Why use two when one will do?

Learn something new

Well I was just searching for something new (NSFW)

How cool are you?

Give this test a go and find out!

Album Cover Quiz

Xfm's Album Cover Quiz - win one of 3 iPods! If it's too hard this document (.js) may be of some use!

Spam non-existent by next Wednesday

I don't believe the UK government understands these computer thngs yet - check out the spam complaint page here or direct link to form here.



Basically it's a PDF form which you must print, fill in (one of the questions being "which phone number do you use to connect to the net?"!), attach printed copies of offending email and post via snail mail back to them! WTF?



Obviously communicating at blinding speed like this will help to eradicate spam very, very soon.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Kaiju Big Battel

A weird wannabe-Japanese pseudo-sport - sort of WWF meets Marvel Comics.

PlayDoll Of The Month

I'm sure Action Man would love this.

[SFW] so long as you don't mind people thinking you're very, very strange.

Bunger's Review of the year Part 1

Just in case you've forgotten how good this video really is... here's a reminder!

SFW if you work in Lord's Hire Centre or a bikini shop
NSFW if you work somewhere where they don't like Benny Benassi

Simulation Argument 2

Since todays post on the Simulation Argument links to a site that links to a site that is apparently broken, here's the google cached copies of the two main articles:

Are You Living In a Computer Simulation?

The Simulation Argument: Why the Probability that You Are Living in a Matrix is Quite High

Of course, none of this is terribly new - DesCartes pondered on the nature of what we percieve - could we trust our senses? - in the first half of the Seventeenth Century.

Beware...

of the dog. Welcome to dogs cogs , YA poster.And yes we did see your test! :)

Beware! New IE patch

A 3rd party patch has been
released for the URL spoofing flaw in MSIE. However this in itself appears to be another hack!

dogscogs test post

A test post link to a gig guide here

Definitely NSFW and not good for cat lovers either

Top 10 Cutest Kittens from B3ta

What did you do today then dear?

You don't get much cooler than this

Anyone watch Horizon last night?

It had this stuff about the Simulation Argument.

Now tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a computer if you are already in one

First 'Running' Humanoid Robot

Which means they can now run after you

"Run away" ain't gonna work with this little bad ass!

Rapper's Delight

Confused by the Gollum Rap? Flummoxed by the Star Wars Gangsta Rap? You need the Rap Dictionary -- for all your Rap (with a capital 'C') needs.

Parental Gift Advice

Essential reading for parents - and, in fact anyone - who is giving gifts to kids this Christmas. But perhaps just late enough to make you feel bad.... muahahahahaha etc.

Matrix Fighting

"And tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a keyboard if you are unable to fight?"

Gollum Rap

For all the Hobbit-Haters out there, let me hear you say "Yo!"!

"At least the cockroach enjoyed my salad."

Bad Food bon mots, from Zagat critiques that libel laws made too risky to attribute.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Man Accuses Rockstar of Stealing GTA Idea

A man has decided to sue Rockstar (Formerly DMA Design) for stealing the GTA idea from him - about six years after release.

Interestingly, the article doesn't mention that GTA was originally intended as an Amiga game to be released in '95, but was dropped for the PC and PSX, due to the declining Amiga market.

<pedantry>The BBC also manages to show it can't tell the difference between GTA - the game in question - and GTA3 - a much later fully-3D sequel.</pedantry>

Prurient Interest News

A radio station in Chile is offering one hour of sex with a prostitute escort as a phone-in prize.

In Britain, GMTV was censured by the Broadcasting Standards Commission for a segment on sex toys -- presumably offending both viewers...

Shoppers 'ignored corpse for two months'

Shoppers in Japan ignored the corpse of a dead homeless man for two months.

And I thought London was bad...

Cameroon Celebrates End Of Sex Ban

Couples in Cameroon today are celebrating the end of a 2-month-long sex strike the women had imposed.

One presumes "celebrations" is a euphemism...

Dolls Action Figures Made In America

- and they're proud of it!

Dog Robs Gas Station

Norweigan News Site Hard Up For Stories.

"The Best Ever Ninja Site"

Personally, I think he is lying.

However, this may be the best ever Ninja cartoon.

Of course, Ninjas suck, Samurai are far cooler.

Return of the Bling

Still don't know what to buy me for Christmas...?? Make mine the Real DealPimp cane and complete pimp suit please!

Fantasty Festival 2003

It was definitely warmer then than it is here now, with some quality body-painting. [NSFW]

WARNING: May contain b00bies.

Free Christmas gifts

Making gifts was never as good as this on Blue Peter.

We've got spooks and ghouls and freaks and fools...

Well, you'll have to provide your own freaks and fools. Here, for your entertainment, education and amazment are some spooks and ghouls.

Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. Reports Fourth Quarter and Fiscal 2003 Financial Results

Duller than ditchwater reading for the most part, the Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. Reports Fourth Quarter and Fiscal 2003 Financial Results to its shareholders does contain one small item of interest:

   "Rockstar also plans to release Manhunt for Xbox(TM) and the PC..."

Manhunt is, of course, the game New Zealand banned. How could that not be good?

Oddblogs

The high life of the modern blogger - it's not all sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll...

Daily Stupid

Proof that alcohol makes you stupid.

b3ta ninja challenge

Well until you find it these pics should keep you going.

Not quite, but I do like...

... the guy who wrote : (Ninja's) are actually silent assasins. e.g. they would dress up like a salesman to get into your house, and while they are pretending to sell you something they would look for holes and cracks to climb into, then at night they would come back and murder you.

They wouldn't just kill you on the spot.

The Best Ninja's ever (TM) includes how you could improve films just by adding ninjas. IE Perfect Storm is about "Sword Fishermen" and then it's got badly ps'd ninja's on the boat with George. *Very* funny...

I Know Where Bruce Lee Lives

Kung Fu movie remixer. Could you be the next Jackie Chan?

This one perhaps?

The Official Ninja Webpage:REAL Ultimate Power!!!!

Fabulous Fighting Fantasy Fan Fiction

That ninja anim put me in mind of the FF books and others of that ilk. Here's an FF site that has lots of user written books.

N1nj4 sk1ll5

Fun?More ninja related shennanigans...

Still no sign of Best Ever Ninja's (TM) ...sorry!

Stick Figure Deaths!

More animations than you can shake a stick at.

Extreme Stick Death

and here's some ninja stick men.

Live out your ninja fantasies

With these class ninja Lego sets. How do I know they're class? I've.. I mean my daughter has got
these

sets.

Ninjai: The Little Ninja

But this is my fav ninja site -Ninjai: The Little Ninja

p.s. It's not the Best Ninja's Ever (TM), I still can't find that, but if you ain't seen this one you're missing out....

From the Good Book, to a very big book...

Here's today's challenge - links should have "something in common with the previous link". May I present to you, a big book

This has nothing to do with Ninja's! mm has posted before I threw down the gauntlet! pah! And I can't find the funniest ninja site ever (TM)...!

Ninja clashes in Congo's capital

I was so disappointed when I read this story - not a bloody shuriken in sight.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Blues for Jeebus

The pretender to Sir Cliff's crown has thrown down his challenge. Stephen James sings delta blues for the Lord in his bid to become the planet's most rockin'n'rolling christian. Church music predicted to reach 1966 equivalence sometime next year.

Acno's Energizer

Some Flash games that run in your browser, including this silly puzzle game and Mini Golf that is most similar to the old EA Amiga game.

More Unwilling Porn Stars

Well, they are now. Ex-Porn star sisters, the Barbi twins have sued Larry Flynt over "explicit photographs" detailing "intimate acts" between the pairs... er... pair.

No, I don't have links to the actual pictures.

Paris Hilton on Saturday Night Live.

Unwilling amateur porn star and heiress Paris Hilton discusses the Paris Hilton on SNL.

And On The Subject Of Television...

Digital TV is now "the norm" with over half of British households having access to satellite, cable or digital-terrestrial broadcasting.

Still no mention of  press red  on Sky News to get b00bies though...

Breasts Stop Girl Getting Job

In keeping with today's theme:

Channel 4 newsreader Zora Suleman claims the BBC won't employ her due to her chest size.

Surely there are worse ways to spend the licence fees?

Safe for work, unless you've spent all day reading the links on here already...

Geekiness abounds

This free
programming environment is brilliant at creating 3d animations. Not only that it is an ideal introduction to the concepts of programming for the non programmer.


BTW I found this link via the one I posted the other day.




PS Handy Hint: When referring to an earlier post you can link to it using the permalink feature. The post time link (the 12:38 PM bit in the tab above) on each post contains a shortcut to itself. So you can use this to link to it from another post.

Precious things

Do they really sell these in local shops?


YA sound effect warning. Bloody multimedia PC's in the office - they'll get you sacked they will.

And now a game for Christmas.

Play this charming little game where you have to clean the window to see the winter landscape outside.


Again a slight NSFW warning - smallish hentai banners and loud in game sound effects.

Seasonal linkage service resumed.

A seasonal song to slip you smoothly back into the Christmas groove.

NSFW if you have speakers on your PC otherwise it's just some swear words on screen.

Man naturally literate...

jury still out on women.


<runs and hides in small hole in the ground>


Apparently humans already have the Roman alphabet etched into their brains at birth - so why does it take so long for babies to learn to read? Lazy buggers.

More Booby Linkage

Pandering to the
booby obsessed yet again. These are particularly suitable for snaring any red suited, beard wearing burglar types.

Christmas Boobies!!

Screw all this seasonal linkage, what we need are more Boobies w00t!!
SFW... btw, it's just my comedy genius manifesting itself again... after all, that's why you come to Newlinks!! Doh!

The real cost of Christmas.

It's just getting too expensive. I wonder if this is factored into the new way of calculating inflation?

Ewww.

Chart to help you find out if you can legally knob your cousin. Chart for Middlesborough removed due to size restrictions - in addition to cousins, also contained siblings & parents.

Who says Americans don't do irony?

I think it is probably fairly ironic that one of the greatest ever proponents of civil liberties and personal freedom should have a price on his words.




"I have a dream."

Insert coin to continue.

Gratuitous Nudity.

Looking for some videos DVDs to compliment your Christmas Pud?

Some quality recommendations, courtesy of the Top 10 Unexpected Gratuitous Nudity Scenes in two parts. Fnarr.

''Not Work Safe''

More Last Minute Gift Ideas This Christmas.

I feel no further comment is required...

Virtual Skins

Slap some skin PG-stylee with the Virtual Drum Set.

Posh Still Not Found Plot

In a vaguely festive story, Posh apparently decided that Golden Balls resembles "Golden Child".

Are there any stables in Leystone?

More fun with names.

Psychotic? Got a pet or child in need of a name?

Then this is the site for you.

May also used for those wishing to name FPS levels and blogs...

The Wooden Ferrari.

It's exactly what it says in the title.

Backstabbing not limitted to D&D Games.

Interplay - publishers of the Baldur's Gate series, amongst others - are not only skint, they're also apparently evil.

LOTR has dirty bits?

Apparently it does. And if that isn't enough how about this (NSFW) then?

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Monkey based activity predicted to rise.







Bow down before the new ruler of HK (formerly HM colony of HK)

January 22nd, 2004 marks the start of the year of the monkey. This could well lead to rise a in
monkey
related
stories
but who can
tell
? What is certain is that the event is to be celebrated by the issue of
new stamps in Hong Kong.

Not quite a monkey....

It's not news, but it's strange enough to post...

Mafia 2

W00t.

One of my favourite games of last year is getting a sequel.

The article mentions "more of the same" - 1930's cars and period Jazz being all very nice, but thinking of the Godfather flicks, surely a 50's setting could work rather nicely too?

End of gaming news, back to the usual oddness!

Frist Gmae?

On the subject of "first game played", it's set me thinking.

The first video game I played would probably be Taito's Space Invaders in a cafe.

The first computer game, however... That's tricky. Possibly Blitz on the VIC20 - Dixons used to always leave it running in their old location in Durham.

The first game I played on a computer I owned would be Tranz Am by Ultimate Play The Game (now Rare).

Games Sales Down This Christmas

Games sales are down this "Holiday Season"[sic] it woudl seem -- perhaps the Haitians not yet murdered found their tactics effective?

One notes that despite Haitians being "like a sitting duck" (see Friday), and despite this protest being well publicized in advance, no-one jacked a car and mowed the crowd down.

I dunno, kids today...

Moonstone Amiga.

Can be found here, in .adf format.

Ironically, it's much easier to set up and use UAE than it is to get old DOS games to run on a modern PC.

Edit: Just to clarify, that's not a direct link. Do NOT under any circumstances download the files, as then the person serving them would be breaking copyright law, and you may get them into trouble.

Run away!

Malaysian villagers claim sighting of UFO Mulder and Scully said to be investigating cigar shaped objects in Thailand. Insert punchline/gag where appropriate...

Can we have some more stories about monkeys hiding chickens in trees and riding around on the backs of pigs for Christmas please dad...??

Especially for mm Chronic!!

It was called Moonstone: A Hard Days Knight but it looks like it was never on the Amiga.

It rocks!

Well, it used to... ;)

Seek, and ye shall find!

Some of you guys may know these sites already, but here I present to you, MobyGames the gamers equivalent of the IMDb

Combine this with The Killer List of Videogames and impress your friends with your limitless knowledge of 80's Spectrum games...

FYI The first computer game I played was "Wumpus" on the Acorn Atom, I think. Ah, I love the fresh smell of wumpus in the morning...

p.s. I'm still looking for that knights wandering about chopping legs off title for the Amiga/PC....

Why?

From the some-people-will-buy-any-old-junk department.

'Now Hiring\0'

Is this the geekiest ad ever?

A Decade Ago In A Place Not So Far Away, Everybody Could Hear You Scream.

Doom's just turned 10 years old. Here's the comic that was inspired by the game, released as part of the celebrations.

Cell-shaded Doom, anyone?

I bet this guy's popular with the ladies...

More whacky American news.

For People With Too Much Time On Their Hands

It's other people with too much time on their hands literally - the flash-powered "Block Clock".

Lsat Psot?

Lame Parody[tm] guys get sick of parodying the self-parodying.


And in other news, retailers have been accused or raising prices for Christmas.

Monday, December 15, 2003

Amusing Photography

It's too late for pithy comments, so here's some silly pics. Not work/child safe. You have been warned.

Seen some of 'em before, but the 'plane one totally cracked me up.

The Truth Is Out There!

... at least when it comes to audio - a great document for annoying the pretentious-yet-clueless types by allowing the introduction of facts to the discussion :>

After all, it IS (almost) Christmas!

Never mind the latin

Learn Welsh and you too could be forced to live in a wet, mountainous part of the country with a large eared, greco-teutonic fool as your Prince. B'ggr't - it doesn't do swearing.

More word play stuff...

Seeing as we're enjoying the wonders of the English Language this evening, let's do some more! (Hey kids! Learning is fun!) Bison bison Is the latin name for the Bison. Boa Constrictor is latin for, well, have a guess...

Here are some mildy amusing latin names for stuff.

That sound like d1ck5 and f4nn13s.

Tee hee!

New Wacko Doll

This new Wacko Jacko doll is being secretly sold under the nom-de-bacon Josie in the Fashion section of www.classysassydolls.com. One presumes this is because sales of this doll have plummeted recently - after all would you let your child take Wacko to bed with them?

A Collection of Nouns

Since Mr. Bung mentioned a murder of crows, I decided it was time for fun with more collective nouns.

So, what would be a collection of links?

A chain of links, perhaps?

Then again, this is the internet -- perhaps something referring to dogs would be more appropriate...

What's in a name?

Ever wondered what your (or anyone elses) name means?

A special today-only two-for-one link offer, only from newlinks!


Follow up : The IMB strongly recommends ship owners to install this device on board their ships

I'd recommend a sturdy Cutlass Arrrrrrrrr....

Or a pack of highly trained sharks, with frikkin' lasers on their heads.

Did you know a bunch of crows is called a murder...??

Weekly Piracy Report

No piracy in Europe but plenty in
Africa,
Carribean and
Asia.

The future is orange..

or yellow, white or red - but whatever colour it is going to be it is going to be small.

Nimoy Sings!

The Ballard of Bilbo Baggins, sung by Leonard Nimoy.

Queen's Operation Not Complete Success.

It would appear today that HM The Queen's operation to remove facial lesions was not a complete success as can be seen with this new post-operative photograph.


Eurgh...

Pete Sampras' tennis career is back on hold after his ill judged move into weightlifting Can I get you a bag of Frozen Peas for that Pete...??

Oh, and hello to the Merg-o-tron! Nice linkage!

It's Monday Morning.

Stuff to cheer you up.

... and if you don't need to be cheered up, have an old conspiracy theory.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Revolution - Pen style.

An alternative spin on the art of penmanship.

Nazi Software.

Microsoft has announced it will remove Swastikas from its software. Like doing that will fool us...

Any mentions of Bill Gates being related to a certain A. Hitler were resisted due to libel being quite expensive. Oh bugger...

DHL Delivers!

DHL Delivers... even in Iraq.

On November 22, a DHL Airbus 300 was hit by two shoulder-launched ground-to-air missiles.

Amazingly, the pilots got the remains of the 'plane back to earth in one big piece (and, presumably, lots of little pieces made it by themselves).

3D Modelling for Dummies


  1. Use this Java program to draw cartoon style figures and have them turned into full 3D models.

  2. ?????

  3. Become the next Nick Park and profit.


Friday, December 12, 2003

Manhunt banned in New Zealand

Guess which game will top the PS2 charts this Christmas?

New Zealand has announced it has banned Manhunt, Rockstar's latest politically incorrect console outing.

Sounds stuponfuciously killographic!

If the gameplay's anywhere near as solid as the GTA series, I'll be hoping for a PC version.

"Residents of Little Haiti have become like a sitting duck."

Played GTA: Vice City on the PS2, PC or (as of Jan 3rd in the UK) Xbox?

Then you'll have been subjected to the alleged subliminal messages to "kill all Haitians".

You can find some Haitians here.

You Should Be Working!

PaCelMan.

Play PacMan.

In Excel.

And if you don't like PacMan, there's "Space Invaders" on the same page....

The mind boggles.

Japanese SAQ

Very useful if planning a trip to Japan - a Seldomly Asked Questions page.

UbiSoft Drives Away Paying Customers

And now for something completely serious...

In the endless pirate-vs-protection battle, UbiSoft in association with Safedisc have devised yet another way to keep the public dishonest. In a master stroke, they've used an update patch to the PC version of Rainbox Six 3 to add protection to make it fail for people using software such as Alcohol 120% and daemontools.

Of course, if you're one of those evil, wicked, bringing-about-the-end-of-civilization-as-we-know-it pirates who warezed the game, you'll just pick up the no-cd crack that has this problem "fixed".

Apparently, PC versions "Prince of Persia - Sands of Time" and "XIII" suffer similar issues.

So, no problem for pirates, mucho hassle for the people that bought the games -- pure genius!

Earliest Blog discovered.

Blogs were invented in the 17th Century. Fact. And the earliest is here.

My school was never like this.

Ever wondered about the ins-and-outs of the online porn industry? Now you too can go back to school to learn how.

No experience necessary!

Someone left the kitchen door open!

It seems the site admin for "Kitchens on the web" has left the door open. Visit the actual site to see the ensuing hackilarity!




NB Do not under any circumstances use the admin pages to change the site yourself. Unless you want to become someone's cell biatch as you will almost definitely be breaking UK law!





EDIT In the couple of minutes it took me to post this the site has now become NSFW!

This years "must-have" Christmas gift?

Looks a bit crap to me...

It hurts my head...

Weird spinny stuff -- just in time for this evening's regularly scheduled intake of alcohol for best effect.

Another great Christmas idea

for those who thought Amy the squirrel was sexy (or any hollywood actor that may have an interest in rodents) here's the perfect gift.

Lessons In Salesmanship

... and you thought that selling PCs was boring.

Welcome to Mr. Merg McMerg...

...with his heart warming, gonad shrivelling frist psot.




Of course if he (the subject of the story not Merg!) lived in Bangkok (where else?) he could have got it fixed by the finest surgeons in that particular
field of medicine. Alternatively being a welder surely some DIY might help.

Bobitted!

A cut above the rest? Cross your legs first, guys...

Soon all DVD players may be multi region (sort of)

Blockbuster want to abolish DVD region codes because "extra time and windows created by regional coding is an opportunity that pirates exploit". As opposed to "extra time and windows created by regional coding is an opportunity that media companies use to exploit you for every penny they can" I presume.

Weird Science

Lots of molecules with strange names.

When are we due snow?

Because I'm going to make me one of these. Or maybe just a 18 inch greyish (with streaks of mud/poo) mockery of a snowman. Bah humbug - we used to have real snow in the old days.

Girly feminist type to buy for?

Get her one of these uplifting message t shirts. Most peculiar - I can't find the "Where's my dinner biatch?" one.

Going to London?

Then you may find this map useful.

AICMFP

Who put the money on the car in the big race...??
p.s. Nice use of Fark in the phishing story. Can we have some boobies as pic of the day...? I'll mail you the piccy!

Be careful what you click on!

Turn this site into an authoritative news source by either

A) Spend years building up your organisation's journalistic credentials OR

B) Spoof the URL and turn this site into the BBC, Reuters or indeed anything. Hint: after clicking on one of
these links look in your address bar. Works in IE only.


For an explanation of this see here.

PSA: Daily image sites required

As you may have noticed there is now a daily image bar down the right hand side. The javascript I've written for this can be extended very easily to add more sites serving daily pics. So what I want is any picture site that has the date (in whatever format) in the URLs for the thumbnail and the page the thumbnail links too.



f'rinstance 10th december links for

Thumbnail:

http://www.dailystarpics.com/starpics/12-2003/daily_star_10_thumb.jpg




Page:

http://www.dailystarpics.com/archive/12-12-2003.html

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Those lying Americans

Conclusive proof that the moon landings were faked!

Dear Blog,

I am being mugged! This link is a girl who got mugged during an audio blog post via mobile. Audio blog in ogg format.

Matrix Revisited

Still no full video but here's half of it. Grab it while you can as Microsoft have been stopping people hosting it.


NB I think it's in WMP9 format - I only get sound and no vision on my WMP 8 installation.

Robots in disguise!

Autobotsrace to battle to destroy the evil forces of...the Decepticons!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Follow Up : Pulse Jet Engine

Seems that crazy Cruise Missile guy has aso been building go - karts powered by a Pulse Jet Engine... where's that set of pram wheels I had in the garage?

Road test for Dave's new car...

I'll have a fiver on the jet please... whaddya mean you don't have a jet? I used to have a jet!

And in the interests of balance...







There's lard in them thar stomach appendages...

...here's one for those who hate
excess fat - this page shows you how to get rid of it without any of that pesky exercise stuff.

More fatties







Still looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the family's fat fetishist? Then look no further. BBW Figurines - The Perfect Gift for Big Beautiful Women and their Admirers as it says on the tin.

Where's the mad ex-TV presenter model?

Hot tree action

A stash of arboreal pr0n amusing "trees with fangitas" photos. SFW (unless you work with some long haired, smelly environmentalist who thinks pictures of naked trees are degrading to the floral kingdom or something)

A sad day for loony scientist types...

Remember that bloke building the crusie missile? Well he's been slapped on the wrists by his government. Watch out on the news for NZ parliament buildings being blown up by a rogue cruise.

Friday, December 05, 2003

Sweet Doggy Dogg

Every wonder what snoop dogg's on about...? Well, even in you didn't, I've got to post something today...

Thursday, December 04, 2003

More Christmas Ideas from me...

How to Make a Lamp Shade. A free guide to making lamp shades

It's proper Bo, I tell thee!

I'm off to get the old sticky back plastic out when I get home, I'm gonna make me some of these to sell on e-bay!

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

The only thing i can find

Here

Blink Ex-Drummer Scott Raynor Found Dead

I cant find anything to back this claim up,mind

hotgrannyaction.com

Someone has a large selection of granny images to choose from I suspect... ;)

Create your own retort :)


Would you like me to teach you dear?

No title... AYCCYFP

You should really get this because I can't remember your blueyonder address!! I have a dole-waller mate who requires walkthrough assist! (Behold the power of the interweb...!)

stoopid... html... rubbish...

You don't think something will be hard to find, until you actually look for it....

ppffftttt....

Of course using your reasoning the next time I buy a TV say I should just order lots of generic components and build it myself. Personally I'd rather take one off the shelf thanks.




I believe the first time I built a website combining templates and pulling info from a back end database was back in about 1995-6. First one I did with php and mySQL in particular was about 2-3 years ago. Granted not a blog but it would be very, very easy to do so. The words granny, suck, teaches, eggs and don't are swirling around my mind right now for some reason :)

If you're bored...

Building a blog is cool, but building a blog with Flash, MySQL, and PHP is so much cooler. Scott guides you through two days of coding and querying.Building with Flash and MySQL Get back on PGR2 you loon!

Megapixel pics are just so grainy.

The worlds' first gigapixel digital photo has been created - and it's not pr0n!

Saga - you cheeky tw@t :)

Here's one that's more to your liking probably.




WARNING: NSFLNMW (Not Safe For Life Never Mind Work)

It's playtime...

It's to allow the rest of the office to see what you are laughing at!




I'm just playing with the template seeing what can be done. I really wanted to change the horrible orange look but just started fiddling as you do. It will probably go - but expect more strange behavour (from the page not me!) over the next week or so.




That code breaks spectacularly on the 'Update' post too :)




Hmmm.... figures out way to insert random pr0n images for maximum squirm factor :)

w00t! (Or indeed - WTF??)

Is this something to do with web accessibilty or is it just PC gone wrong (again!). It's horrible. Get rid!
</flame>
Here's a link for you

Here's (rubber) Johnny!

I'm afraid there's not enough poontang for me!All play and no work make Jack the boy...

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Ooooo....

But what does the interweblook like dad....? (Sorry... not a new link, a two day old link... but it's nice, hey! I'm sorry already!)

Asylum Seeker FPS

DFWU Chuck should be pretty good at this then :)

Ben's Dad

After years of searching, with the help of Parents Reunited, we have finally found Ben's dad and heard the full sorry tale of Ben's abandonment in a basket on the doorstep of the Bottom Club.

Don't F*ck with Uncle Chuck

Yeah, but have you got one of these Sniper legends in the old family album...?? I think not...

Another Milor

"Great" I'll go with with but "late"?!?? I'm only playing PGR2 not dead :)




Anyway seeing the name made me remember this one - a god fearing, alien believing, paranormal book writing, military serving Milor. I can't think of a scarier combo - and he's bound to be a relative. I can only hope he doesn't bother with the family tree thing or we may end up with him on the doorstep one day.




EDIT: Now with added link goodness - D'OH!

ID Cards

I'm so relieved the UK Government is considering ID cards with biometric security features which of course are so secure they can't be broken - or can they?

Monday, December 01, 2003

No more fighting over the Christmas Turkey leftovers..

Buy pepper spray and SWAT team stuff here. Also sirens and lights for emergency vehicles. Want... Need...

Google Search: "David Milor"

In honour of the late, greatDavid Milor who shall hereafter forever be an honoury "Friend of MyBusiness". Make mine a googlewhacker please Barman!

Sunday, November 30, 2003

The Joy of Hex







I'm afraid there's not enough homo-erobic action for me!

This revelationary new book teaches couples the joy of interfacing. Also extended sections on drives (hard and floppy), probes, virus protection and fun with mice.

Most realistic Mario yet.

1st Mario game to use solid 3D - so realistic you can touch and feel the models. Unfortunately to play it you will need a new board.

If football players looked to rugby players...

as role models (as demanded by the 'quality' UK press this week) they would be

stealing high performance cars rather than paying for them as they currently do. tsk tsk.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

(Kind of) Spizzwatch

Or maybe you don't know what to get granny for her Christmas...

Spizzwatch

Gotta keep an eye on 'em
(Sorry, my sk1llz have deserted me and I can't find a suitable image...) This may be comedy genius...

Am I Hot Or Not...

for cheerleaders. SFW (unless you work for a talibanesque organisation that doesn't like swimwear shots)


brb


<fap><fap><fap><fap>

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Spizzwatch

The public return of the pre politically correct playground taunt and the target was probably deserving as most of them are! :)

Learn another language...

even totally made up ones. 'kah may-tah ah-may' is apparently an admission of bestiality.

The latest extreme sport.







As dangerous as this. Probably.

WARNING: This activity could cause injury - if you get caught by the pub landlord or similar.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

You're Busted Buddy!







You've been framed? Serves you right for fux0ring whores!

Follow the adventures of one man who, sick of all the prostitution on the streets in his town takes a video camera out and about and captures "working girls" and their "tricks" (terminology from "Pimping for Dummies") and post the results for the world to see. Sheer class :)

Christian Video Game Reviews







No that's not reviews of Christian games, it's games reviews by Christians! Although there is a section of Christian games too for the really committed or those who ought to be committed.

spin your booty for jeebus!

Hard Drives finally emancipated.

Rejoice on the streets as Hard Drives are freed from years of slavery - or allow your mind to boggle at political correctness gone mad.

Make your own emergency vehicle.

Actually it's more a case of fiddle with the colours of the go faster stripes but it'll keep you occupied for at least 4 seconds.

Monday, November 24, 2003

Who will buy my beautiful noses?

Alatheia Prosthetics - artificial limbs for amputees. Although I do like the way they feel they have to point out they are for amputees!



Other highlights include:

  • Blue rollovers on the body parts - giving the effect of dead flesh when you hover.
  • Check out the faces page. Last 'after' pic looks suspiciously like Saddam. Right, where do claim my reward?

Warning!







Don't fuck with your local Karate dojo!

Mild mannered janitor Henry had finally had enough.

Linux is secure as owt...

or then again maybe not!

Embroidery with Attitude!

Still looking for that hard to find Christmas gift? Well make one instead.

How to attract women







Fat Minger!

You too could have a fat bird like this if you follow the
Steel Balls Principles.

Historic Tale Construction Kit

Change history and make those damn Frogs lose at Hastings.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Surfing for the blind....








Now the blind can get on the interweb thanks to this site. Yay for accessibility! Needs sound.

Friday, November 21, 2003

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Comdex 2003 Bill Gates Keynote - The Matrix update

Screenshots only so far AICMFP.

Another place to steal links from....

Microsoft launch beta MSN Newsbot - very rough atm (all pictures captioned with agency rather than a decent description, very slow updates - still reporting at time of this post Scotland hopes raised due to Kluiverts omission - <nelson>har har</nelson>!) but should get better.

Eric Conveys an Emotion

Hey Eric! How's about "I've found a funny website"

The Ladder Theory

Stolen from fark but very funny, and oh, so true

Bored? Restless? Looking for something worthwhile to do?

Do your bit for the human race and sign up for the Ebola vaccine trial.

PSA - Ingrown toenails...

Sort them out before this happens :\

OMFG!!! I now believe in the paranormal...

Morrisey was psychic!

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

www.whatbrandareyou.com

A little culture for you guys this morning, courtesy of Radio 4. I of course, am phellatio Ooops. That could be a bit gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that of course... erm... ) Now I am TEMPERO (Much better...)

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Half man, half biscuit

On a similar topic to previous post - half robot, half segway. Just as shit as a dalek - can't do stairs.

Blog it!

Bunger's Blog

If you haven't purchased a Segway yet (and really, what are you waiting for?),

may I suggest you save a little cash by building your own? And if that

project fails, there's always the good old Megway.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Text to image

...and here's the link in case you want to do one :)

Degree Confluences

Website with people taking pictures of where latitude and latitude lines converge. This one is the nearest to the toon - 7m NW of Hexham.




ps my sk1llz beat Ben ->
R
A
I
N
B
O
W

Here be nutters...

An attempt to out-Icke Icke